NEWS: Marketers struggle to get down with kids

'How to market to millennials' features have the tendency to patronise everyone involved, it has emerged.

The publication of best practice material on approaching younger people in a professional environment is set to continue as if the ironic notion of 'getting down with the kids' never happened.

Marketers are being prepared for a Huxleyan workforce of highly loyal, easily distractible, stridently ethical and technologically pious youngsters. 

"As millennials, B2B buyers aged 36 and below have short attention spans," according to a recent How To guide. “So, in much the same way you might tack a poster of tropical scenery on the back of a goldfish tank, try flooding their Twitter feeds with funky imagery.

"Why not even DM them some fish flakes? They appreciate zany creativity.” 

Thirty-seven-year-old head of marketing communications, Jennifer Hildebrand, is daunted by the millennials: "Every time I use my Moleskine for note-taking, I’m afraid the office content executives will bombard me with memes about my being technophobic, so last quarter, or something even more cutting and witty.”

Thought leader, Sam Eaton, reassures peers like Jennifer: “Unlike us normal people, the millennial are very much one-size-fits all.

“Most of them come from university and have a short attention span, so don’t talk down to them: simplify your messages and make them colourful.”